It’s Not About Gay Rights
If the church doesn’t shepherd people through questions of sexual identity, sociology and psychology will.
Like many, this friend began to rethink his sexuality during college, questioning his assumptions, accepting certain facets of who he felt himself to be, and basking in diversity and acceptance. When he came home on breaks, he entered into a strange world. Home and church life tied directly to the person he “used” to be. And college was his comfort zone, the place where he could ask the serious questions about identity.
After a few years of hearing that his primary identity resided in his status as a marginalized homosexual, he graduated college, came home, and began to think again about what it meant to be gay. For the first time, he had to do it on his own.
This is where the church failed him—at this stage, he was questioning and willing to listen, but the silence and oversimplification got to him. He heard people say “the Bible is clear about homosexuality.” Mostly, however, while he was in this stage and willing to talk, he heard nothing. A few months ago, he moved out of state for a job; church became a thing of the past.
Silence and oversimplification are perhaps the two biggest threats to our outreach to men and women who struggle with questions of sexual orientation. College campuses, on the other hand, stand at the opposite end of the spectrum, hosting open discussions of gender and sexuality, and willingly engaging people at whatever level they reside.
Let me suggest that gender studies programs, and sociology and psychology courses, are offering a kind of “pastoral care” to young people today. This ought not to be.
A few simple statements can lay the foundation of real (that is, biblical) pastoral care. Let me suggest six things to say and to not say, as well as a few places to begin the work of going deeper into these topics.
Do:
1. Acknowledge that, for some, sexual identity can be complicated and confusing in nature. Take every opportunity to support men and women who have questions, and acknowledge to them that their questioning is an important task. Do this in one-on-one conversations, and do it in public gatherings, too.
2. Admit that the church is a community of people who don’t have it all together. In appropriate contexts, admit shortcomings and struggles, and testify to God’s redeeming power. Create an atmosphere in which your congregation knows that ours is a living, acting, healing God.
3. Affirm the struggles of young people in particular. Every student in your church knows someone who struggles with sexual identity, or they struggle with it themselves. By the early years of high school, teachers are talking about it, and most college students will undergo a “diversity awareness session” that far outdoes the talks about sexuality in most of our churches. Biblical attitudes about sexual orientation will equip your church’s young people as they enter the confusing world of college and young adulthood.
Don’t:
1. Say, “You need to choose right now.” There are only a few times in life in which an ultimatum is appropriate. Most people who are thinking through their sexual orientation are already confused and expect rejection by the church. Don’t let impatience ruin an opportunity for ministry.
2. Dismiss the other voices in the conversation. Oftentimes, friends and teachers are the only ones willing to offer acceptance. Don’t attack these other figures in the conversation. Affirm the truth of God’s Word and the nature of his character, and model acceptance for the individual that goes above and beyond what non-believers offer.
3. Say that being straight is the only goal. The goal of shepherding a man or woman through issues of sexual identity isn’t just to make that person non-gay. It is to lead this person into the life that is really life—Jesus Christ, who claims us as his own, and who doesn’t see us in terms of our sexual orientation or anything else. He sees us as his.
Go a little deeper, explore these ministries, and check out these articles related to gender identity and sexual orientation.
· Redeemed Lives is a ministry that offers discipleship and pastoral care training, as well as many helpful articles.
· From our sister blog, Out of Ur, Brian McLaren’s thoughts on pastoral responses to homosexuality.
· For a recent example of how colleges are shaping the discussion on sexual identity, consider the implications of this recent story.
· For an example of where the psychology field stands, see this chapter from a textbook by David Myers, professor of psychology at Hope College.
· Michael Hamblin has an extensive compilation of articles and recommended reading.
· From Building Church Leaders, an Urgent Care training pack on Homosexuality, and from Gifted for Leadership, a training pack on Homosexuals and the Church.
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Comments
I appreciate the "heads up" quality of this article. I have long been distressed that the Church, publicaly proclaiming God's love for all people, still finds very hurtful and lethal ways to screen out those who make us feel uncomfortable. I am thankful that psychologists and other helping professions are promoting understanding of gays and lesbians as people. While denominations struggle with gay ordination we are leaving many lay persons to their private struggles, and the public debate over gay ordination is making them fear even more that they will be ostracized and labeled in hurtful ways. How can we speak of a loving God who sees beyond our brokenness and then be so angry and critical when persons who are struggling with sexual identity seek out our help? Really doesn't make much sense to me.
Posted by: Rev. Dr. Judith Hirsch-Fikejs | December 26, 2007 10:07 AM
Fascinating article! Fascinating, in that, for thousands of years the people of God have not had to spend a whole lot of time speaking to the issue of "sexual identity,"
What has changed? I'll suggest that the sinfulness of a culture that has lost its identity (period!).
The last thing needed by any sinner is a focus group or study on their sinfulness and how to adjust, adapt, make do, or deal with their sin. What every sinner needs is what God has provided, redemption from the sin.
What are you smoking Chris? God understands and has felt the pain and agony of sin more than any of us. He has judged it rightly when he cast the first man and woman out of Eden. He again judged it when he slaughtered His own dear Son for our criminal and rebellious acts of sin. There is no need to delve into the realm of the nature of sexual identity issues. They are what they are: sin or the result of sin. What must be dealt with is the refusal of the sinner to hear God's call and the equal refusal of saints like yourself who belittle the necessity and power of the cross to call others to repentance and sacrificial service.
Please, do not dare insinuate that I speak without love in my heart for those who live without Christ in their heart or who live as Christians with an ongoing struggle of sin. You're right, I do speak without such a depth of love; just as you do. But, so much more is it important to speak the word of God to those who lie in sin or struggle with sin, for He alone speaks truthfully and in full love.
Brian McClaren's article and yours disappoint me and raise serious concerns within my soul as to what appears to be a total abandoment of the gospel in order to create some type of psyco-spirituality of the sensual (not common sense) . In doing so, you bring great injury to those who read your commentaries with faith in your words rather than in what the scriptures teach about the mind of God.
His kingdom come,
hkc
Posted by: In the trenches | December 26, 2007 10:53 AM
It is not scripturally true that Christ does not "see us in terms of sexual orientation". The Bible is clear about it that homosexuality is sin. Christ will not see us living in sin and accept us that way. Christ will accept us only when we are willing to confess our sin and forsake it. The Bible says that we cannot continue in sin and expect the grace of God to abound. Homosexuals will receive help (and in fact, some have received help in my ministry), if they are willing to come to terms with the position of God's Word on the issue. I sympathise with them, but God will not embrace us if we insist on living in sin. My friend, help is available in the Christian community for any church-goer struggling with homosexuality. May God have mercy upon us all and help us not to bend His word to suit our situations.
Posted by: Pastor A. Olu | December 26, 2007 6:45 PM
Its amazing to me, if you reframe this in terms of beastiality or pedofilia instead of the more "culturally acceptable" sin of homosexuality it is easier for the confused to understand how far off base they are with this kind of article. Should we encourage those who are confused about their love of "children" or "animals?" Perhaps a discussion groups or maybe the church should be more "open" after all some may be struggling with their particular fetish... opps I mean "sexual identity."
I'm all for helping folks out of sin, but one wonders has anyone been "cured" by setting in an acceptance, self help type of group? I'm not saying we shouldn't love or accept the person. But we need to be clear its wrong - if you choose the wrong, we will still love you and pray for you. But its wrong.
Posted by: Z. | December 27, 2007 6:36 PM