Off the Agenda: Conversations for Building Church Leaders

I'm going to attempt to paraphrase a story I heard at a small-groups conference a little over a year ago, so please bear with me. The speaker was Randy Frazee. The story centered on Frazee's first attempt at small-group ministry as the senior pastor of a large church in the suburbs of Fort Worth, Texas.

Being the senior pastor, Frazee wanted to make sure that his small group was an example of excellence for the rest of the church to follow. So after much prayer and deliberation, he and his wife invited the most spiritual couple in the church to serve as co-leaders, and then the most athletic, most attractive, most intelligent, and most wealthy couples to round out the group. They called it their "Super Small Group."

The only problem was that the couples' homes were spread out, which meant that Frazee and his wife had to travel between 25 and 40 minutes each way to get to their group meeting every week. About this time, however, Frazee's new next-door neighbor - a real whiz at hospitality and socializing - began organizing regular get-togethers within the neighborhood. Consequently, Frazee's Super Small Group became less and less appealing in light of what was happening in his own backyard.

He described one specific occasion when the next-door neighbor set up a street-wide potluck event. The evening of this event happened to coincide with the meeting time of the Super Small Group. Frazee described his sense of loss as he and his wife pulled out of their driveway and watched children playing kickball in the street, men playing horseshoes across a front lawn, families gathered together over steaming plates of fried chicken and cool glasses of lemonade, and so on.

It was a great story, and I'm sure I haven't done it justice here. But that was when I first began to ask myself the question: When does a small group become just another meeting? When does a small group cross the line between supportive community and draining obligation? How do you know when it's time to go?

Continue reading "When Is a Small Group ‘Just Another Meeting’?"...

Sam O’Neal is managing editor of BuildingSmallGroups.com. His full version of this article can be read here.

A church in our area recently dealt with a situation that made me think harder about the way many congregations approach adult Sunday school.

This church of about 150 people gathers for a worship service first, then breaks into age-specific classes afterward. A few months ago, a group of young mothers in the church found themselves loitering together in the church lobby. They wound up spending the entire Sunday school hour sharing updates on life and providing encouragement, without children around to interrupt.

The following week, the women found themselves in the lobby for the impromptu meeting. And then again the next week. And the next. Some momentum began to build.

But in a church of about 150 people, it didn't take long for others to notice. And this is where I found myself challenged by the ways church leaders typically approach adult Christian education.

Continue reading "Pondering the Question of Adult Education"...

Matt Branaugh is director of editorial and special projects for Christianity Today International’s Your Church Media Group. Prior to this role, he led Christianity Today’s Ministry Team, which includes BuildingChurchLeaders.com and FaithVisuals.com.

StreamingFaith.com recently sat down with marketing guru Seth Godin and asked his advice on church "marketing" in our increasingly plugged-in, techno-driven society. At the forefront of Godin's thought-world these days is "new marketing" - methods of communicating messages that aren't top-down (from an ad firm to your TV) but side-to-side (from a bootleg YouTube clip, to your blog, to my blog, to the evening news). New marketing reaches smaller audiences, but it creates more of an impact.

His advice may surprise or offend, but it is still worth thinking about.

Consider these excerpts (you can see the full interview here):

"Churches are the oldest businesses around today. And yes, they're businesses. They don't necessarily sell a physical product, and they don't always charge money, but there's a transaction nonetheless. And that involves the individual paying attention. Attention is precious and it's rare and it's non-refundable?."

"Just because it's important to you (and it could be your Tupperware product line or your sermon) doesn't mean it's important to me. The essential idea here is that new media is selfish and you can't buy or demand attention, no matter how worthy you believe your idea may be?."

"I'd say you need to concentrate on what's remarkable and interesting and noteworthy and touches my faith, and stop spending time on tasks that don't amplify any of those elements. Doing something because you've always done it isn't an idea worth spreading?."

What do you think? Do we short-change ourselves by taking people's attention for granted? Do we recognize the selfish way in which people listen to our messages? How can church leaders make the most of insights from the business world?

Let us know what you think. If you want to read more, check out the full interview on StreamingFaith's website.

Chris Blumhofer is associate editor of BuildingChurchLeaders.com.

Last week, we continued our series of short-term missions downloads with a download of practical articles for crossing cultures. (You can see it here.)

This week, we’re continuing this focus. We’ve created a Listmania collection on Amazon to pull together the best resources for cross-cultural ministry. We’re including novels in our list, in case you want to discuss fiction rather than non-fiction. (Some excellent, practical books are on our list, too.)

Now it’s your turn. Contribute to our Listmania, or let us know about the resources you rely on for taking short-term missions teams outside of their comfort zone (and culture).

Post a comment below to tell us what works for you. If it’s a book, give us a sentence or two about why it’s valuable, and we’ll update our Listmania. If it’s a website or article, give us a link and we’ll point people there.

Let’s create a comprehensive list of books, articles, and websites, and let’s help each other cross cultures with the Good News.

I recently had the opportunity to return to my native Arkansas. I had forgotten that spring arrives in some parts of the country by March. But I was even more surprised to find, in Little Rock of all places, a vibrant and growing multi-ethnic church.

Mosaic Church of Central Arkansas, led by pastors Mark DeYmaz and Harry Li (with several supporting staff), is an intentionally multi-ethnic and economically diverse community in Little Rock's University District. Though only six years old, the church has gained credibility by shining forth the love of Christ in a historically divided town. It has done so through its focus on inter-ethnic ministry and worship. In his book, Building a Healthy Multi-Ethnic Church, DeYmaz warns:

I believe the homogeneous church will increasingly struggle in the twenty-first century with credibility, that is, in proclaiming a message of God's love for all people from an environment in which a love for all people cannot otherwise be observed.

In his book - and on the Mosaix Global Network website - DeYmaz offers "Seven Core Commitments of a Multi-ethnic Church":

1. Embrace dependence: determine to trust God to provide financially and spiritually.

2. Take intentional steps: make changes to attract people outside the majority demographic.

3. Empower diverse leadership: multi-ethnic churches require multi-ethnic staff.

4. Develop cross-cultural relationships: work through awkwardness to develop true friendships.

5. Pursue cross-cultural competence: learn to be sensitive to cultural differences.

6. Promote a spirit of inclusion: commit to being comfortable being uncomfortable.

7. Mobilize for impact: take steps to minister to the greater community and make disciples.

Take a moment to think on these things. Are there things your church could do to develop a multi-ethnic and economically diverse ministry?

I know a thing or two about living in the parsonage.

As a pastor's kid, I spent 10 years living in the house next door to the church. And later, as a youth pastor's wife, I spent a few more living in a bubble that may as well have been a parsonage.

The thing about the parsonage, in my experience, is that many church members consider it their property and figure they can come and go as they please. And the bubble is similar. For some reason, many people feel free to take great liberties with the personal boundaries of church staff and their families.

Why is this? Is it because people believe that those who dedicate their lives to ministry automatically surrender their sense of self? Do they believe God grants special grace to church workers, overcoming their need for downtime? Is it because people who contribute money to the church figure they're paying the salaries and therefore are the bosses?

Continue reading "So Many Bosses"...

Timing is very significant in spiritual leadership. Indeed, timing played a major role in shaping Jesus' ministry and death. Not only would Jesus not go to the cross for the wrong reasons. He didn't go until it was the right time ("Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father" [John 13:1; NIV]).

Great leaders understand the importance of timing, specifically when it comes to making decisions. There are right times to consider issues and right times to make moves. Conversely, even the right issue tackled at the wrong time faces certain defeat.

There is no formula for great timing. It is part instinct, part intuition, part paying attention to surroundings, part prayer life, and all of the above. But it is not guesswork. Leaders who have a good sense of timing seem very wired into their situations while, at the same time, wired into God for a perspective that transcends just what the leader and his or her advisers can see.

Leaders adept at timing know how to read audiences and situations. They have practiced this over the years, testing out their hunches and intuitions. They have learned how to monitor their own internal sensors and when to pay attention to the voices around them and the voice within. Leaders with great timing know how to test the water, sniff the wind, and commit just enough to gauge reaction before committing it all. They risk, but they do not gamble.

Continue reading "Choosing the Moment to Lead"...

Few barriers can subvert the depth and transforming power of a small-group discussion faster than one or more group members who dominate the conversation. Such members can monopolize entire gatherings with their problems and perspectives and can hinder the participation of everyone else in the group.

Here are some practical tips for handling small-group members who talk too much.

Be Assertive
The best way to handle a dominant personality is for the group leader and/or facilitator to be assertive.

? Be assertive before the discussion. Prior to a discussion, or prior to asking a question, tell the group that you are looking for brief answers and thoughts. You may even consider setting a cap on the amount of time people are allowed to speak on each question - no more than one minute, for example. Also, make it known that you want to hear from as many people as possible on each subject.
? Be assertive during the discussion. If a group member ignores your request for brevity and begins to monopolize the conversation, the best thing to do is nip it in the bud - even if that means interrupting. Thank the person for his or her contribution, and then move the discussion in another direction by calling on another member or by asking a new question.
? Be assertive after the discussion. If a person continually monopolizes the group's time, you may need to discuss the issue with that person in private. State that you appreciate his or her willingness to contribute to the group's discussions and recognize the depth of his or her answers and opinions. But also be honest in sharing that the frequency and thoroughness of the person's responses can make it difficult for other group members to participate. As a result of these conversations, it's possible to ask the dominant person for help in encouraging the rest of the group to talk, thus turning a difficult person into an ally.

Continue reading "When Group Members Talk Too Much"...