When Group Members Talk Too Much
Practical tips for managing a dominant personality in your small group.
Few barriers can subvert the depth and transforming power of a small-group discussion faster than one or more group members who dominate the conversation. Such members can monopolize entire gatherings with their problems and perspectives and can hinder the participation of everyone else in the group.
Here are some practical tips for handling small-group members who talk too much.
Be Assertive
The best way to handle a dominant personality is for the group leader and/or facilitator to be assertive.
· Be assertive before the discussion. Prior to a discussion, or prior to asking a question, tell the group that you are looking for brief answers and thoughts. You may even consider setting a cap on the amount of time people are allowed to speak on each question—no more than one minute, for example. Also, make it known that you want to hear from as many people as possible on each subject.
· Be assertive during the discussion. If a group member ignores your request for brevity and begins to monopolize the conversation, the best thing to do is nip it in the bud—even if that means interrupting. Thank the person for his or her contribution, and then move the discussion in another direction by calling on another member or by asking a new question.
· Be assertive after the discussion. If a person continually monopolizes the group’s time, you may need to discuss the issue with that person in private. State that you appreciate his or her willingness to contribute to the group’s discussions and recognize the depth of his or her answers and opinions. But also be honest in sharing that the frequency and thoroughness of the person’s responses can make it difficult for other group members to participate. As a result of these conversations, it’s possible to ask the dominant person for help in encouraging the rest of the group to talk, thus turning a difficult person into an ally.
Manage Eye Contact
Dominant personalities often associate eye contact from the discussion leader as a green light to talk. They may even interpret it as a request from you to share what’s on their minds. Therefore, minimizing eye contact is an effective method for handling group members who talk too much.
To accomplish this without offending the person, invite him or her to sit next to you before the discussion begins. This will decrease the number of times you make direct eye contact with the person, which should also decrease his or her need to talk.
Manage the Group’s Silence
Many people are uncomfortable with silence, and members who seem to jump in and answer every question may do so in an attempt to break the silence and end their discomfort. By helping them get used to silence as a normal part of group life, you may decrease their need to talk over time.
One way to accomplish this is to ask group members to wait a specific amount of time before responding to a question. Say something like, “People need different amounts of time to process a discussion question and organize their thoughts for a response. To make sure that everyone gets a chance to fully engage with our discussion, I’d like everyone to wait 10 seconds after I ask a question before jumping in.”
Of course, it’s still possible that dominant group members will be the first people to speak once the time period has expired. If that’s the case, talk with them privately using the steps outlined above, and ask them to wait 15 or 20 seconds before speaking in order to make room for others to enter the conversation.
Note: This is an excerpt from the training download Ministering to Difficult Group Members. To get a look at the entire download, click here.
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Comments
I've had to use these tools in leading small groups. Just about everything proposed was something I've put into practice--and it works. I like the suggestion about asking people to wait 10 seconds before answering. In the past, I've addressed certain individuals who always had their hand raised first to resist that urge and wait for a couple other people to share first. But if you set the rule up in front, then it's not awkward silence that you as the leader feels uneasy about, it's something that's already established. A problem with the one who is always called on first is that he may take an answer away from someone else who would've said the same thing if they had a moment longer to think. You want to create situations where the people who don't speak very often are encouraged to do so. Also, something that I've had to learn is not talking too much as the leader. I would respond to someone's answer and inadvertently say something someone else was going to say. Again, we want those in our group to do the talking and come up with answers. Plus, at times when I was wondering and getting frustrated why the group couldn't answer specific questions, I've had to realize that I had already spent plenty of time going over the material, they hadn't (in the case of spontaneous questions and not weekly study book questions). Good stuff; thanks.
Posted by: Derrick | April 11, 2008 7:50 PM