I've been attending my church for a little over a year, and right from the get-go I was on the watch for a mentor. In my spiritual growth thus far, nothing has impacted me more than the examples of women who had vibrant, thriving relationships with Christ and who have poured truth, grace, and love into me. So I was eager to be in a mentoring relationship like that again.
I prayed to that effect. I got involved in an inter-generational Bible study, attended Sunday school classes, and kept my eyes open on Sunday mornings for women who had that tangible aura of spiritual maturity about them; women whose lives I wanted to emulate. But the truth is, it takes time to build relationships, and asking a stranger to commit to meeting with you and taking an interest in your life is daunting. After six months, I still hadn't become close enough to anyone who I felt comfortable asking to listen to me for an hour a week.
Wouldn't it be wonderful, I thought, if there was a ministry in the church that connected people who desire to be mentored with those who are itching to use their gifts of encouragement, discernment, and wisdom? One of the roles of the church is to unleash the gifts of the saints, and a ministry like this could help people recognize their gifts and put them to use.
As I thought more about it, though, I realized that inherent in any formal mentoring program is the danger of artificiality. Any relationship that doesn't grow up organically between two people will be tinged with the taste of "programs," will feel a little forced, even when both people have volunteered for said relationship. And there's always the risk of complications - personality differences, mismatched expectations, a lack of commitment on one side or the other.
So I'm asking a real, legitimate, non-rhetorical question: How is it to be done? How have you seen mentoring work in churches you've been part of? How do we, as church leaders, facilitate mentoring?
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No idea!! You bring up a great tension... it seems like it would be so helpful to pool together potential "mentees" and mentors and line em up on dates. When I have put the two together I have often even talked about a timeline for evaluation of the relationship.
It's awkward and it's hit and miss at best.
I have continually seen the best situations work out when one pursues the other because they feel led to. It can be uncomfortable to flat out say, "I would love for you to be my mentor" or "I want to know if you would be interested in having me be your mentor." People often have no idea what that means practically and we rarely share our lives openly anyway... so it's a big deal.
But that situation is the one I have seen miracles happen in.
What do you do in your situation (or mine), when you are around a community for a long time and no one jumps out at you??
No clue. I'm planning on approaching the leadership at a particular church and asking them to find someone for me. Then I'll just have to be honest about the chemistry.
Posted by: Jason | October 21, 2008 10:08 AM
This is a great question. Personally, I've found it helpful to convene a group--in my case, breakfast with a group of men from church--and see if something more personal develops. As I spend casual time with these guys, it's becoming a little clearer which one or two might make good mentors. And we now have a relationship, so it wouldn't be as awkward to ask. So maybe forming small groups (unofficial ones, even) first would be a good start.
Posted by: Brandon | October 21, 2008 11:51 AM
please i need a spiritual mentor
Posted by: timah stephen | October 23, 2008 6:34 AM
I have found that asking to be mentored is more desirable than asking if you can mentor someone else. Either way, I think that we need to find ways to make the process more organic.
Posted by: Nate | October 27, 2008 9:42 AM